Special guest Sergei Cossack is filling in for co-hosts Arik and Garrett this week. But our other special guest, Carla from Burnt Korn, Alabama, is quick to point out that Sergei’s accent sounds more than a bit like a drunk Inspector Clouseau.
Okay, so Arik has clearly lost his mind—or maybe he’s just been watching too many Yakov Smirnoff clips on YouTube. Then again, sound engineer Pauly from Bali’s post-morning-Turkish-bath-Harvey-Fierstein defense of French and Russian salad dressings pretty much dooms this episode from the start…
But, all is MIRACULOUSLY SAVED when Carla reaches into the THN mailbag and pulls out a classic communique titled “Bitching and Whining, Pissing and Moaning.” Well, it’ll take all four to lift us out of our hate fog.
Thank you, Cyrus from Canada—you’re probably well on your way to a well-deserved Hatey.
Pauly from Bali follows up with a PSA on bitching and moaning in the expatriate community. Listen, you left your homeland! It’s in the rear-view mirror, so stop your bellyaching and enjoy the fact that you don’t know enough about your new country to hate it soundly. Also: “Don’t be a bigger dick than you already are.”
That said, Pauly from Bali revisits an old THN topic: wet bathroom floors in foreign countries. DING-DING-DING! We have a winner! Also, Arik assures everyone that, as an evening Uber driver, he is in a distinct position to verify that every gas station bathroom in the U.S. gets fully hosed down with sewage water at sunset nightly.
This episode seems doomed to a scatological conclusion, as Arik brings up the utter chaos of men’s room etiquette. No more synchronized pissing! Who wants to wash their hands with a stranger you just shared a urinal with? Also, to shake or not to shake? Too few shakes, and your boxers are as a wet as a Bangkok bathroom floor. Too many shakes, and the next thing you know, you’re in a paddy wagon.
Plus, whatever you do: DO. NOT. PRESS. THE. AIR. DRYER. #fecalmatterinthewind
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