Come aboard! We’re expecting you! But if you think you can get away with tossing high chairs across the poop deck just because we ran out of chocolate pudding at the buffet, you’ve got another thing coming.
Special guest Carla from Burnt Korn, Alabama, starts off the show wondering if we shouldn’t revise the test for American citizenry: “At least one time, prospective citizens should have to behave so terribly in public that they become a viral video. Because if that’s not American, I don’t know what is.”
Next, co-host Arik poses a serious question: “Some 30-plus episodes in, what have we learned so far?” Sound engineer Pauly from Bali, joining us from the Killing Fields of Cambodia, is amazed at how fun it’s been to talk about poop. Co-host Garrett is, not surprisingly, silent on the subject. As if the THN Gang could chat about anything serious! Soon, everyone’s playing the ‘What’s Worse?’ game.
Wet bathroom floors or wet deli meat? Dirty tampons or dirty maxi pads?
Arik gets the show back on track. He can’t stand what he has to do to wake himself up in the morning: from the sound of the iPhone marimba alarm to the Port-au-Prince port-a-potty smell of his kid’s B-Complex vitamins to the eye-watering, gagging experience of brushing the back of his tongue.
Carla chimes in: “And who the bloody hell texts reminders to order ice cream cake at the butt-crack of dawn?!” Um…
Pauly from Bali shares his distaste (literally) for gummy vitamins. Can we not all be adults and just ingest pills that function as smelling salts and taste like a camel’s ass? By the way, today’s episode is sponsored by THN Gummy Valium—when you want to dope like an adult with all the playfulness of a kid!
Damn, the Hate Boat is about to dock, but we still have so much rancor left! Finally, thank you to Carla for sending us out the door with pure Burnt Korn class: “Alexa, who the F lit the fuse on your tampon?!”
This episode is sponsored by
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