It must be raining purple, folks! Make that snowing purple. Co-host Garrett is back behind the microphone! And he’s sick and tired of metro areas, not accustomed to snow, panicking at its possible arrival. Or maybe he just hates weatherman for inciting inclement inanity.
Folks, we might see several snowflakes. Let the apocalyptic run on bread, milk and water begin! For special guest Carla from Burnt Korn, Alabama, clearly this suggests a cabal between weather forecasters and grocery store owners. And long john manufacturers. And probably the Illuminati.
Co-host Arik can’t stand it when you go to an inspiring film, then are ripped back to piss-poor-poop reality by a movie theatre bathroom. Harkening back to the infamous THN Poop Episode, sound engineer Pauly from Bali, joining us from Angkor Wat, where all the curtains match the grapes—crepes—drapes!—he simply wonders why we never see urinal cakes in films like “Carlito’s Way.”
Garrett with a groaner: “That really takes the urinal cake!” Then he proposes the idea of stadium movie seat “relief suctions”—plus a private bidet of one’s own. NASA or Jeff Bezos should get on this ASAP. But THN Media is trademarking Stadium Pal and Stadium Gal right now.
Finally, Carla reaches into the Mail Bag with a Hall of Fame Hate Epistle from Mary, formerly of Treynor, Iowa, now a Citizen of the World. She can’t stand people who she despised in high school who now want to befriend her on social media.
She accepts the requests of all former sluts, druggies and walking meat bags, but blocks them until she can verify whether they’ve learned anything in life. Invariably, they haven’t. Nearly all have turned into right-wingers who blame the LGBTQ community for natural disasters.
They simply traded one extreme on the spectrum of depravity and ignorance for another. Mary, that’s why we’re here for you. You’re our former Little Miss Know-it-All forevermore.
Also, folks, watch out for all those gay snow earthquakes.
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