Welcome to 2022! The temperature in Burnt Korn, Alabama, is a mere 4 degrees, and special guest Carla can’t wait to share The Hate Napkin’s newest sponsor: “This program is sponsored by Sofa King—it’s not just cold, it’s Sofa King cold!”

Every so often, a subject of such singular scorn arises that the THN gang rankles it from into to outro. Thanks to listener Kim in South Carolina—the first inductee into The Hate Napkin Hall of Fame—an epic execration against neighborhood fireworks is now deeply embedded in the anals of podcast history.

From Gus the hound’s recent New Year’s puddle o’ pee to co-host Arik’s memory of once being launched into orbit from a wayward M-80, we’ve got your fireworks fear and loathing covered. After all, what is more American than blowing up shit and doing it really loudly? (Answer: Blowing up things loudly in other countries.)

Just how illicit and insane are neighborhood fireworks? Sound engineer Pauly from Bali shares a boyhood tale of the Mafia smuggling fireworks into his Big Apple borough. Take your pick: would you rather be chased by a Bronx bully with a baseball bat or a redneck with a Girandola?

Arik rails: “The fact is, if you replaced fireworks with people tossing knives randomly into the air, the tradition would have been outlawed day one!”

You’d think that would be the final word. But still, a fire-breathing finale ensues of exploding vaginas, PTSD vets dodging dry cleaner cherry bombs and ancient cemeteries aflame during the 3,000th Anniversary Celebration of Jerusalem. Put that on a WE’LL USURP YOUR LAND FOR NO CASH sign and smoke it.

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