I hope you don’t mind, folks, but some shows get off to a slow start.

Hey, it’s an international hate extravaganza! While guest host Carla from Burnt Korn, Alabama, struggles to get Cletus to clean up his pigsty of a room, sound engineer Pauly from Bali shows off his Nerf orange plastic chair squatter toilet from his teaching days in China.

Then, oh boy, does co-host Garrett wish he were here! Pauly from Bali treats us to one helluva crapper crooner chorus: “Oh, Squatter, why do you make me go so low?” Oh, Lord—plop plop plop—please make it stop!

Back in South Carolina, co-host Arik is sick and tired of the phrase, “It’s just the South.” Why should we keep giving second chances to an entire region of the country that has done everything in its power for three centuries to drag all of global civilization—plop plop plop—down the drain?

Carla is quick to point out that she’s a direct descendant of General Sherman. Arik can’t resist: “Well, someone’s gotta say it. Sherman didn’t burn enough!”

Now there’s a bumper sticker, folks!

While Arik sits in the THN penalty box for the rest of the show, Carla rants over people who overshare with perfect strangers. On behalf of all retail clerks everywhere who have always wanted to scream at the top of their lungs: “I’m sorry you’re lonely, lady, but no one cares about your grandkids in Florida!”

The rest of the show is concentrated, lumpy poopy hate. Enjoy!

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