“Butter Churning Butt Fungus & Mad Ham Flingers, LLC”


This episode is sponsored by THN Creamy Butter! THN Creamy Butter: “Churning out hate since 2022!”


No, seriously. Special guest Carla from Burnt Korn, Alabama, brings in her old timey wooden butter chur—Ahem! Carla! Oh, Lord. Can you please stop churning between your legs? See, on the camera, it looks like—folks, DO NOT let the little ones watch this episode on YouTube.


Sound engineer Pauly from Bali presents two items of hate from Vietnam. He’s sick of all the motor bikers using cell phones while scooting about Ho Chi Minh City. But he’s equally appalled at all the idiots driving Porsches and Lamborghinis in a city jampacked with motor bikers: “They can’t ever go more than 20 miles per hour! And they’re constantly being banged up by moron bikers on their phones!”


Co-host Arik is sick and tired of that damned toe fungus ad that springs up on every website in the world. “Enough! That toe is like some sort of supervillain appendage with a hatching alien growth that’s about to destroy the world.” 


Pauly explains to Arik the marvels of algorithms and corporate web spying. Looks like someone in the Bjorn household has—“But I don’t have toe fungus!!”


Carla: “That’s precisely what someone with toe fungus would say.”




Arik is also in a volcanic huff about Ticketmaster, Amazon and all the other giant, web-based retail companies that send customers through AI text labyrinths and FAQ swamps to seek solutions to problems THAT REQUIRE HUMAN ASSISTANCE. “I’ll just have my computer connect with your computer, and they can resolve this issue in Webinar Wonderland.”


Also, the limp eggplant horrors of plastic straws. And, for that matter, curved eggplants!


That’s a wrap. Join us next week for another episode of “As the World Churns”!


Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thehatenapkin/support

Cock-a-doodle-doo! Roll out of bed, you sleepy head! The early hater gets the worm! Co-host Arik literally woke up seconds before the show started recording, so please forgive him for not wearing any pants. (Warning: do not watch this episode on YouTube.)


Special guest Carla from Burnt Korn, Alabama, cannot stand Road Ragers. Why the hell would anyone cut her off, then brake-check her for several miles, throwing the bird at her all the while, when she’s behind the wheel of her boss’ F-450 Platinum?! Thankfully she doesn’t have “roid rage,” so said arse-bucket behind the wheel will survive to drive aggressively another day.


THN PSA: To all speeding jerk-weeds in Chargers, please note that the driver you swerved around and dusted 30 seconds ago just pulled up to you at the next red light. Figure it out, and chill the F out.


Arik expresses hate couture for all of the teenagers these days sporting T-shirts of bands and musicians who they don’t know a damned thing about. KISS, Cat Stevens, Prince, Gin Blossoms, Whitney Houston. “If you’re wearing a Lynyrd Skynyrd T-shirt, and I yell ‘FREE BIRD!!’, and you start looking around in the sky—you deserve to have that shirt ripped off you where you stand.”


Sound engineer Pauly from Bali is tired of negative online reviews of large chain restaurants. Don’t get your panties tied in a wad over only receiving two ketchup packets. You knew what McDonald’s was before you walked in the door! Also, for what it’s worth, that’s two more packets than you would have received at any Michelin star restaurant. (Also, maybe burn a calorie or two. Get off your lard ass and ask for another packet of ketchup—and maybe a life!—at the counter.)


That’s all for now, folks! Arik has to put on his Green Day Dookie T-shirt and take his morning “constitutional.”


Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thehatenapkin/support