“Butter Churning Butt Fungus & Mad Ham Flingers, LLC”

 

This episode is sponsored by THN Creamy Butter! THN Creamy Butter: “Churning out hate since 2022!”

 

No, seriously. Special guest Carla from Burnt Korn, Alabama, brings in her old timey wooden butter chur—Ahem! Carla! Oh, Lord. Can you please stop churning between your legs? See, on the camera, it looks like—folks, DO NOT let the little ones watch this episode on YouTube.

 

Sound engineer Pauly from Bali presents two items of hate from Vietnam. He’s sick of all the motor bikers using cell phones while scooting about Ho Chi Minh City. But he’s equally appalled at all the idiots driving Porsches and Lamborghinis in a city jampacked with motor bikers: “They can’t ever go more than 20 miles per hour! And they’re constantly being banged up by moron bikers on their phones!”

 

Co-host Arik is sick and tired of that damned toe fungus ad that springs up on every website in the world. “Enough! That toe is like some sort of supervillain appendage with a hatching alien growth that’s about to destroy the world.” 

 

Pauly explains to Arik the marvels of algorithms and corporate web spying. Looks like someone in the Bjorn household has—“But I don’t have toe fungus!!”

 

Carla: “That’s precisely what someone with toe fungus would say.”

 

NEOLOGISM ALERT! CONTACT WEBSTER’S! CARLA COINS A TERM: “BUTT FUNGUS”!

 

Arik is also in a volcanic huff about Ticketmaster, Amazon and all the other giant, web-based retail companies that send customers through AI text labyrinths and FAQ swamps to seek solutions to problems THAT REQUIRE HUMAN ASSISTANCE. “I’ll just have my computer connect with your computer, and they can resolve this issue in Webinar Wonderland.”

 

Also, the limp eggplant horrors of plastic straws. And, for that matter, curved eggplants!

 

That’s a wrap. Join us next week for another episode of “As the World Churns”!

 

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