For postal sake! Co-host Arik wants to do away with novelty postage stamps. Ruh Roh! He just slapped a Scooby-Doo stamp on a condolences card. Say, Carla, what kind of stamps they got down there in Burnt Corn, Alabama? “Well, we got ‘Merican flag stamps. And the tramp stamp.”
Co-host Garrett is fed up—literally—with cheesy dust. Seriously, do they lace Cheetos with DEET? That stuff burns off fingerprints!
Speaking of treats, you know that friend who you treat to a meal—over and over because they conveniently keep forgetting their wallet? Well, Carla’s fed up with them—as well as the skinny friend who can’t possibly eat one bite of her meal, plus punk kids who misbehave at the table. Screw eating out! She’s taking her hate napkin dispenser and dining in!
To ride the snooze button? Or to decapitate the snooze button rider? Just ask Garrett. Every married couple morning should begin with a bit of sunny-side up spite. Folks, there are snoozers and losers. And, well, boozers—Arik hasn’t even noticed his alarm going off for the past 25 years.
Finally, a hate debate! What’s worse: paper cuts, stubbed toes, or ingrown toenails? Yes, Pauly from Bali, we know your HPV warts hurt too.
#noveltyfleshlights
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Hail, hail! The whole “Hate Napkiner” gang is here! But first, a commercial break. Let’s hear a word from our sponsors. We have truckloads of erectile dysfunction pills and Matthew McConaughey luxury cars for sale! Come on, Hulu, enough with the ads! We’re already paying for a subscription.
Next, when did we start giving killers and sociopaths all the glory? Shouldn’t crime investigators get top billing? When did TV shows switch from “Touched by an Angel” to “Touched by an Uncle”?
Co-host Garrett is pissed off at pissing contests. Speaking of pissed: Carla from Burnt Corn, Alabama, can’t take it no more. When you’re in public, get control of your wilding children! Or Carla’s going to turn them into chili dogs at the local DQ Brazier. As for crying children on airplanes: what do you think cargo is for?
Finally, what’s an episode of The Hate Napkin without everyone drinking from annoying gift shop coffee mugs? From Memphis to Broadway to Petra, we’ve got ‘em! But Carla’s Atlanta glory hole mocha mug steals the show! She assures everyone it’s been test-driven at every major truck stop in the Deep South. And as sound engineer Pauly from Bali notes: “If you like cream in your coffee…”
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This episode is sponsored by
· Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast.
https://anchor.fm/app
Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thehatenapkin/support