Co-host Arik from Columbia “Spank me, Sherman!” South Carolina announces The Hate Napkin’s newest sponsor: “THN Day Drinking.
That’s THN Day Drinking: sour grapes in the morning for everyone!” Uh-oh! Special guest Carla from Burnt Korn, Alabama, let’s slip that in addition to her key roles at the local Dairy Queen and newspaper, she’s also the president of the local chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous. Sound engineer Pauly from Bali also announces a new THN sponsor: Carla!
Speaking of, Arik throws AA on the napkin of despite. He admits that while AA has helped millions of people globally, his experience is a bit different. Once upon a time, he had a ton of sex in a big church in Virginia—or, was he a sexton? Lord knows. Just pass the communion cup. “Every time there was a break during an AA meeting, it was like the running of the bulls to get outside to inhale as many donuts, cigarettes and cups of coffee as humanly possible.”
So…if you’re just replacing alcohol with equally unhealthy doses of tobacco, sugar and caffeine…well, we’re just saying. Carla nods, while lighting up, sipping on her cup of joe and taking a spoonful from a bear claw Blizzard. (Um, on YouTube, we see that bottle of Barefoot wine in the background.)
Carla reaches deep inside the THN mailbag and produces a message from Renee from the Pacific Northwest: her recent use of the word “hung” on Facebook was taken by the Zuckerbots to mean “lynching.” So she’s been suspended—which is unfortunate, because she really was just referring to her gigantic male organ. Great letter, Renee. And thank you for being one of our best Turbo Force High Velocity Air Circulators! Um, fans.
Then we invite some kiddies to the bar, throw back some Kool-Aid vodkas and present them with a day-drinking crash course on the history of currency, which involves trading three goats for everything from shiny yellow metal to hidden sequences of 1s and 0s.
Plus, fun tongue moments and “Pekong” duck with Pauly! Note from THN Management (but not co-host Garrett): Arik accidentally referred to Africa as a country. We think it’s fair to refer to him as “incontinent.”
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