It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood, fellow haters! Well, actually, not quite. First, co-host Garrett remains holed up in his suburban apocalyptic bunker. Then, co-host Arik moronically declares this to be Episode 40. It’s not, it’s 38. Who the hell cares? Let’s dive into the molten lava pool of hate!
So, you’ve just daringly gone number 1 or 2 in a public restroom. You proceed to the sink to wash your hands. Law & Order sound cue: Dum! Dum! WTF?! Where’s the liquid soap? Who the holy F puts out hard hand soap for the lavatory masses? And are those pubes stuck to the bar?! Even special guest Carla from Burnt Korn, Alabama, knows better: the second she replaced soap bars with liquid soap, peanut buster parfait sales at the local Dairy Queen went up exponentially.
Sound engineer Pauly from Bali with the Line of the Day! “I hate a$$ soap investigations.”
Along the same lines, when the hell is Civilization going to banish bathroom air driers? Maybe we can’t stop global warming, but there’s still a chance to put an end to the spewing of “poop chemicals.” (Quick, someone tell Greta Thunberg.)
Meanwhile, Carla from Burnt Korn is tired of neo-new agers who drape themselves in crystals—who are definitely soap-free—and who apparently can see your aura even with their armpit hair flying in their face. Or as Carla puts it: “The fields in which I give a flying F about your hollow spiritualism are barren.”
Finally, Arik is fed up with people who use the dictionary in arguments. Anytime someone pulls out a dictionary during a debate, it’s a debate worth walking away from. Besides: “You brought a Webster’s, but I got 23 volumes of the Oxford English Dictionary, douchebag!” douche bag | \ ˈdüsh-ˌbag \ 1 usually douche bag : a bag used for giving douches 2 chiefly US slang : an obnoxious, offensive, or disgusting person
Finally, don’t ask Eric Clapton to be your babysitter.
#tearsinheaven
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