Co-host Arik begins the show in the corner—literally. Bottom right of the screen, for those tuning in via YouTube. He’s pissed off special guest Carla from Burnt Korn, Alabama, and is trying to hide as best he can.
Meanwhile, sound engineer Pauly from Bali, who joins us from The Killing Fields of Cambodia, is drooling beer onto his lap. And co-host Garrett remains secluded from it all in a Colorado bomb shelter. A perfect start to exploring the anals of hate (with hot sauce)!
In celebration of cancel culture, Arik asks the question: if you could rid the planet of any one country, which one would go the way of the dodo? For example, maybe you’re sick and tired of all those consonants in Wales—too many vowel movements over time! Poof! Bye-bye, Wales.
Carla steps to the plate, and, like a god swatting a gnat, annihilates the West African nation of Burkina Faso. “I mean, it’s not like we have to worry about their nuclear arsenal or anything.” True, true. And, just like that, the 21 million inhabitants are no more. Upper Volta, nice knowin’ ya! Sad, they spent all that time outlawing female genital mutilation for nothing. (Note: the editorial board at THN LLC does not agree with willy-nilly nation-state annihilation.)
Pauly could care less about obliterating nations—he’s too upset about the fact that the dandruff shampoo he recently used at a hotel actually gave him dandruff! Well, duh. Why do you think they call it dandruff shampoo? No false marketing here.
Arik next regales all with a tale of his early days in Columbia, South Carolina, where he was presented at a restaurant with a plastic basket filled with insect larvae. Of course, these were actually boiled peanuts. His reaction to the taste? “Honestly, I would rather eat out Oscar the Grouch’s bumhole.”
Meanwhile, Carla can’t understand why her teenager doesn’t understand the importance of locking the doors. Then again, Cletus may be on to something, “What’s so bad about getting stabbed to death in your sleep?” Hmm. He has a point. Or maybe he’s just working out an early inheritance.
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