This is your pilot. Welcome to THN Flight 21, headed for the far-off horizons of hate. Feel free to unbuckle your safety harness, but please refrain from using it to strangle the annoying tyke who’s been kicking your seat and playing his beep-boop-beep video game since we rolled onto the takeoff tarmac.
After spending too much time in airports recently, co-host Arik invites the THN crew to share its all-time air travel hate list. Co-host Garrett is nowhere to be found—he’s probably stuck in cargo.
Arik can’t stand larb-brained passengers who stand up and grab their overhead items the nanosecond the plane lands. “We’re still 30 minutes from the gate! Where the hell do they think they’re going?”
Carla from Burt Korn, Alabama, is “fed up” with the whole TSA kit and caboodle—or, rather, not quite. Over the years, she’s been felt up many times by airport security, yet not one TSA agent has bought her dinner, or even a $7 packet of duty-free Milk Duds.
On the other hand, sound engineer Pauly from Bali always opts for an airport security cop-a-feel just to steal the thrill from TSA Tony.
Carla changes the subject and goes on a rant about teenage boys: “no longer babies, not yet man babies.” Meanwhile, man babies Arik and Pauly from Bali bite their tongues. Except someone lets slip that maybe teenage Cletus will grow up to become a TSA agent.
Finally, expat Pauly from Bali rants about the mating call of the Tokay gecko. Arik wonders if this isn’t the cry of a wounded Hervé Villechaize wandering the beaches of former Burma. Or is that José Feliciano? Too soon? Who knows?
Who cares? Certainly not Hervé. Tokay! Tokay!
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