These are the voyages of the Starship THN, going boldly where no wiping fabric has gone before. Deep into the anals of hate! (Well, one or two napkins have probably already been there.)

Carla from Burnt Corn, Alabama, our Paul-Lynde-center-square-super-guest-star, reaches into her local DQ napkin dispenser and produces a dandy: noise pollution from car stereos. The next time you think the rest of us need to share in your 100 decibel music appreciation, kindly shove your woofer up your keester.

Also, what the hell is with service animals these days? Don’t emotional support buffaloes cross a line? Who really needs a peacock on an airplane? Sound engineer Pauly from Bali claims service canines in his neck of the woods are best served medium well—though the barkage fees can be expensive.

From there, everything goes downhill—or at least downward. Pauly from Bali hates anyone who falls four stories at a construction site, crushes their legs, wrists, pelvis, collapses a lung, and yet somehow manages to survive. Carla agrees: “Yeah, I hate weak ankles.”

C’mon, the THN gang isn’t totally heartless. What they really hate are faulty scaffolds! Episode 17 is dedicated to Arik’s brother, Noah, who’s got a long recovery ahead of him. Good luck to him. Ah, screw that! The bastard gets to play video games all day for the next 12 months.

Finally, a roundtable discussion on bad movie sequels. Here’s a dreadful trifecta: Blade 2, Staying Alive and Independence Day: Resurgence. One thing’s for sure, it really does take an emotional support animal to sit through any Fast & Furious film.

Plus, we’re still waiting for that great poop scene to emerge from Hollywood.

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