Um, the Hate Napkin crew f@ck!ng hates filler words and phrases. Er, down with recycled language! That said, at the end of the day, what else are dithering idiots and talking heads supposed to use to connect their vapid, “horrific” thoughts?

Emojis! That’s what. We’re sick of those too! Grown-ass people, what does “dog” “poop” “American flag” even mean? And WTF: don’t even get us started on acronyms. SWOD. (That’s “spell words out dammit!”)

Also, Skype and Microsoft Teams: you’re both uninvited electronic flashers! Stop opening your trench coats when we boot up our computers. If we want to see you in all your digital glory, we know where to double-click you.

Plus, pick an animal, any animal. Then kill them all. And the Communist China plot to destroy us all with barcode stickers.

#firstworldproblems

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